The election of Tony Abbott shows that the Liberal Party is in need of anti-psychotic medication, or at the very least, a good dose of salts.

Cardinal Abbott certainly has his work cut out for him, with the Mad Monk winning by just one vote. His margin and mandate massive, with Fran Bailey absent and one confused soul scribbling “no” on the ballot paper.

Tis no surprise Sloppy Joe failed to make the second round of voting. Once he decided to give the party room a conscience vote, the lunar right was always going to go just that little bit more crack-a-dog than they already were. Woof, woof they won! And now they have a bone, or more accurately, bonehead.

This is, however, a fantastic win for the left. The ETS will be voted down in grand scale and it will give Krudd an opportunity to call that most rare of elections, the A-Bomb that is the double dissolution. Labor will romp home and face a rubble of right-wingers no bigger that a cricket team. Better still, they won’t even come close to winning the Senate. Even with a massively reduced quota, there won’t be a Democrat to pour the drinks and there certainly will not be learning-disabled Senator Steve, the dimwitted and cretinous Family Fist member who rode to office on Labor Preferences. Krudd and his cronies, having had to deal with the home-schooled Fielding for the past two years, certainly won’t be making that mistake again.

The red of the Senate will be decidedly green, and every single piece of legislation will have to be run past Senator Bob.

As for Abbott, his vainglorious attempts to throw his rosaries around the ovaries of the women of Australia will fail. He appeals neither to gay, granny nor girl and will be remembered as the Liberal leader that made J. Winston Howard look like a socialist.

Poor old Malcolm.  He probably doesn’t know if he is Trishna or Krishna today.

And who could blame him.   The poor bugger has been stabbed in the back so may times he is leaking supporters like a rusty colander.

Let’s look at the bit players shall we.  First  cab off the rank is senate nutter  Nick Minchin.  The steely-eyed hawk  has been eyeballing the stay-sharp for months and doing his very best ‘I’m not Henny Penny’ imaginable.

Please step up to the pulpit Cardinal Abbott.  Big ears conveniently resigns from the front bench over a “policy issue,”  to just twenty-four hours later throw his hat into the three-ringed circus in a vain and futile attempt to be elected to be chief clown.

But if Malcolm is looking to blame anyone he look no further that the mate he sought sage counsel from, John W. Howard.  The meanest one created this mess by failing to groom a successor and anoint the smirker.  Howard left his unholy “church” to themselves.

The siring of Howard’s new conservatism, by mating the radical rights with the liberal fillies, was always going to produce a bastard child.  And what a bastard it is;  intellectually corrupt and morally bankrupt, the Libs are doomed to roam the streets of opposition for a generation.

But the funniest thing is  they have done this over a piece of legislation so worthless, so useless, so planet destroying – it deserved to be voted down by the the timid and weak Labor caucus.

But of course the Labor caucus is as vacant and as useless as the Tories.

We don’t get the politicians we deserve.  But we do elect the ones we’ve got.  -

After eight inglorious years the failed presidency of  George Bush Jr is limping to its sorry end.

And about time too.

In just a little over ten hours W43 will be on a plane back to Crawford Texas where, if the good woman Laura has any sense of sense and honesty, she will have to tell Junior that he fucked it up good and proper.  And if she loved him, she would also hand over a bar of Solvol to remove the blood from his hands.

And what an end.

Replaced by his political antithesis, W43 even had the temerity to honour Australia’s man of turd with a Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Pass the barf bag dear, Mother’s is not feeling well.

While it is not usually oneplanetmikey policy to wish politicians well I feel justifiably compelled to wish Barak Obama all the best.  And really, he couldn’t possibly fuck it up any more than Junior.

However I would at this exciting hour remind readers to stay calm.  Change does not happen overnight and Obama has inherited a desiccated economy, world wide hatred of his nation and not one, but two wars.

Obama will most definitely have his work cut out for him.

And readers, I would also suggest that the election of an African American to the presidency is not that great a leap forward.  The US has, for many years, practiced equal opportunity.  God knows they have the intellectually disabled running the country for the past eight.

WORST PotUS EVER!

The worst thing about the shoe-throwing incident was the timing and choice of shoe.  It should have been done years ago and with a bloody great big stiletto!

For the past four weeks at 8.30 pm on Mondays, I have settled down with a glass in my hand to watch the ABC TV doco, The Howard Years.

I now have post traumatic stress disorder.

I had forgotten.

Watching The Howard Years, I was amazed how my reaction to it was so similar as to when I watched the original series of The Office.  This was because I found it difficult to watch both programmes while cowering under the doona  and screaming obscenities at the tele.

(Readers, my reaction to The Office was because at that time I worked in an office with a man who acted like David Brent, and worse still; looked like David Brent.  I assure you, I am  not some sort of nut job that yells at inanimate objects.  OK,  parked cars parked illegally and only occasionally.  That’s it).

Fran Kelly, you are a bitch!  You made me remember Abbott and Costello, and Wretch – err Reith and even the poor old, dimwitted Bronwyn Bishop.

Now living under the glorious socialism of Kev il Sung, I had become accustomed to politics where at least lip service had been paid to social policy.

Twelve months on and Brother Kevin is doing better that the Evil Man ever did, but Brother Kev could do so much more.

He is from the exact same mold as deposed despot, J. Winston Howard Esq.  Look at the stimulus package; jackpots for pensioners and those lucky enough to be able to claim family Tax Benefit A.

I think I am going to have to claim a Family Tax Benefit A too.  I wonder of the Government will accept Penfolds and  Tanqueray as my dependents.

Recently I wrote about making a film for the Melbourne 48 Hour Film Competition.

My film, “Faster, Stronger, Higher” screened last weekend at the BMW Edge and it was one of about 28 in competition.

Now it is one of the 12 City Best Finalists.

I am nervous.  First prize is a scholarship and equipment hire.

If it wins I promise not to do a Gwyneth.  I may however channel Sally Field – “Oh you like me, you really, really like me.”

Dear USA,

My apologies for hating you over the past eight years.  It was simply because you elected a very bad man to the most powerful office in the world.  I know that the first time you didn’t really elect him.  It was the hanging chads and the dodgy Floridian Secretary of State that sealed Al Gore’s fate.

And I know that in 2004 you were worried about the shirt lifters and muff munchers getting married, and that is why you re-elected him.

This year though, I thought that the democrats were doomed because you were presented with choices I thought were un-electable.

But no.  You saw the light and today you elected Barak Obama.  A man who half an hour ago moved me to tears, with his passion, warmth and inclusion.

Now the expectations are high; especially high after the very bad man allowed fucked your country.  He sent you to war.  He drove your economy at high speed down the shit-shooter.  He took away your freedoms and imprisoned your spirit. He made me nervous and fearful.  Not of terrorists, but of him.

But today you made up for that.  Today you elected a man who I believed because of his colour was un-electable.

Well done.  I forgive you America.

Now, if that twit on Pensylvania Avenue would just pack up his boxes and go back to his ranch in Texas and admit he was a complete and utter failure (and absolute idiot too), I’d be happy.

Kind regards and with forgiveness,

oneplanetmikey

I am tired, so very tired.  Over the weekend I co-produced a four minute film for the 48 Hour Film Competition. 

On Friday night at 7pm, Quinine Films team leader Olivia drew from the hat the genre of Sports Film. 

And from then it was on. 

By 11pm we had a plot.  Casting decisions had been made.  Prop makers organised and locations hurridly arranged. 

We started filming at 9am Saturday and wrapped up about 13 hours later. 

Olivia and Karl looked after the filming and sound. 

I coached the actors and improvised with them.

We edited through the night and re-shot a scene on Sunday.  And then we edited some more.

Karl made a four minue score using a synth and guitar. 

We handed in our film at 6.57pm Sunday. 

By 7.30 pm we were having a drink at Transport.

By 9.30 I was in a coma.

My flat is a mess.  We filmed there. 

My body aches.  My brain hurts. 

I am a vegetarian zombie today. 

Gosh it was good fun.

The number of my embarrassing celebrity crushes continues to rise.  But this time it is real.

OK.  Maybe I am deluded.  Or, turning at an old age.  But I seriously LOVE SARAH PALIN.

Is it the glasses?  Is it her folksy charm?  Is it my desire to eat moose burgers for breakfast?  Or is it her ability to look into a camera and speak to me, oneplanetmikey, right here in Melbourne.

I don’t understand.  But I am touched in a way that I haven’t been touched since I touched myself when I had my crush on Tony Abbott.

Say it ain’t so.

Morris Iemma, the worst premier in Australia has resigned.  In what is undoubtedly good news for the people of New South Wales and the governing Labor Party, members of the NSW right have tapped him on the shoulder.  And about time too.   You can’t have  a political carcass leading the state and expect to be re-elected in two and a half years time.  

Either Nathan Rees or Carmel Tebbutt is expected to be annoited leader of the Parliamentary Labor Party, but whoever takes the reins will reek of the pong of political incompetence for quite some time.

The really interesting thing is that Rees is non-aligned and Tebbutt is from the left.  This means the once vice-like grip the right had on Labor Party politics in NSW is now starting to wane. 

Who said rigor mortis made you stiff.