Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Australia, CBS News, Dan Rather, Election, Mary Kostakidis, Media, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
One of my favourite television journalists is former CBS Evening News anchor Dan Rather. Mr Rather, you may remember, was forced to resign two years ago by network chiefs after 60 Minutes broadcast a story about George Bush Jr., that was later found to have use falsified documents.
Mr Rather is now suing his former employer for $USD 70 million, citing breach of contract. There must be quite a bit of that going on as here in Australia the sublime Mary Kostakidis is suing SBS for breach of contract as well.
In his filed claim, Rather states that CBS attempted to tarnish his reputation to pacify an aggrieved White House.
All in all, it was an inglorious exit for one of America’s best, and most hated journalists. Hated, because Dan Rather appears to be a card carrying liberal, and the Christian right in the US has problems with ‘difference’. There are even websites exposing his liberal bias.
But I like Dan. I like him because he is on the left, and has a deft turn of phrase, such as these examples from election nights gone by;
“The election is closer than Lassie and Timmy,”
“Keep in mind they are teetotally meetmortally convinced they have Ohio won.”
But who here in Australia is worth liking on commercial televison? Nobody.
It is worth noting that here in Australia on election night, we will have Mel and Kochie presenting Seven’s converage. It is also worth nothing that 6.30 is when the US network news bulletins are screened, while here in Australia we have Tracey Grimashaw and Anna Cretin presenting their nightly bucket of shit.
Australian journalists have let themselves down. Australian journalists have let the country down. Australian journalists are, mostly, used-car salesman selling us lemons. Thank God for The 7.30 Report and Lateline.
You know what? I am as mad as hell, and I am glad I don’t wantch anymore.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Australia, Media, Naomi Robson, Politics, Television, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
I have decided that if you can’t beat the cretins, you may as well join the cretins, which is why I am in the process of developing my own tabloid television current affairs programme. It will be broadcast nightly from my couch, or the Bender Bar in Thornbnury if I stop and have a drink on my way home from work.
I have decided to do this because I am sick of being powerless and underpaid, and if Tracey Grimshaw and Anna Cretin, err Coren can sell their soul to the devil and present the utter fucking shit they do night after night, and without even the slightest hint of embarrasment or decency, well then, so can I.
I am going to call the programme A Cretin Affair. It will feature me introducing stories and looking concerned as I make pithy and intereseting segueways between stories. Sometimes I will look like I am about to tear-up, but being a trained prostitute, er I mean performance artist, I can safely assure readers it will be an act as I shall just be stabbing myself in the leg with something sharp.
I pledge my programme will stand up for the little Aussie battler and the the opressed as I campaign against migrants, dole bludgers and fat kids. I will chase after shonky tradies, love rats and use a lie detector on all federal and state politicains who apprear on A Cretin Affair. I will be the friend of the friendless, and make the world a safer place by exposing how evil and mean it is.
So if you are reading this and think that you have the journalistic chops to report on this programme, drop me a line via the comments box. I’ll be in touch.
From all of us here at oneplanetmikey, thanks for watching. Goodnight.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Alan Jones, Anna Coren, Australia, Big Brother, Britney Spears, John Howard, Lindsay Lohan, Media, Metlink, Naomi Robson, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, Pole Huggers, Politics, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
I am over celebrity criminals, in the same way I am over celebrity chefs and Big Brother bogans polluting the airwaves with their inane drivel. The following is a list of people who should be imprisoned for the term of their natural life.
John Howard – for crimes against humanity
Paris Hilton – for being a brain dead trashbag
Lindsay Lohan – ditto
Nicole Ritchie – for being an upchucking trashbag
Britney Spears – psychobitch trashbag
Pole Huggers – the cretins on the train who take up all the available space.
Alan Jones – rancid, toilet trading rightwing polluter of the airwaves
Gossip columnists – the vile molls who write Sydney Confidential
Naomi Robson – tabloid cretin
Anna Coren – as one tabloid cretin dies, another pops up
Tracey Grimshaw – she should know better
By removing these people from society we will live in a better world. It is time all good people rose up and launched a law and order kick, If you see any of these people out and about on the street, please for the sake of your fellow citizen, take them directly to jail.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Media, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
This is Tracey Grimshaw. She is a tabloid hack. She is the presenter of A Current Affair. I loathe
her for it. I also equally despise Anna Corren, the presenter of the rival tabloid trash programme, Today Tonight. I have a recurring nightmare the cretins from both Today Tonight and A Current Affair are after me. In some ways I wish they were, as I have developed a strategy for when the vile hacks come knocking and I would like to see how well it works. The strategy is quite simple. Swear. Nothing else. Stand there swearing like a sweet motherfucker with big bad swearwords. Keep swearing, don’t stop, and don’t even add a conjunction. Look at the camera and yell sweetmotherfucker. The more you swear, and the faster and louder you do it, the fewer chances the attack Muppets have of asking you a question. Don’t run either. Just stand there swearing like a sweet mothefucker.
How this all works is quite simple, and while it may make you look like a complete and utter nutter, you will not get your face on the tele. Guaranteed! In tabloid current affairs the story is not the subject, but rather the reporter chasing the talent down the street – be they; love rats, fat kids (who don’t run fast), dodgy tradesmen, shonky salespersons and/or illegal immigrants. So if you are a love rat, fat kid, dodgy tradesman, shonky salesperson and/or illegal immigrant and they vile bastards from the 6.30 shows come knocking; don’t run, just stand there swearing like a motherfucker cunt, screaming sweet motherfucker cunt. The tabloid cretins wont be able to edit their reporter into the story, and so there is no story.If that doesn’t work, you could always kill them.Which reminds me of the joke. Who wins when two journalists jump off a cliff simultaneously?
Answer: Society.
