Anna Cretin and the creeps at Toady Tonight were this week found to have defamed Mercedes Corby. After an expensive five-week trial prosecuted by my media hero Stuart Littlemore, it took a jury less than a day to find the nasty folk at TT had made damaging and unsubstantiated allegations against the sister of convicted drug smuggler, Schapelle Corby.
And now they have had to pay! In a confidential out of court settlement, Channel 7 has had to sign what is presumably a big fucking cheque and hand it over to Mercedes Corby.
You would hope that would teach the evil folk at Toady Tonight a lesson, but I suspect their insatiable desire for ratings, means they are rather stupid and slow learners.
All this could have been avoided if when Seven’s head of News and Current Affairs boned Naomi Robson, the convicted serial drink driver Peter Meakin had accepted my suggestion to have her replaced with a garden gnome. The difference would have been minimal and Seven could still have promoted the show as Today Tonight with Gnomie Robson.
Thanks for watching good night.
Australia’s finest current affairs host Anna Cretin, err Coren reported, err read the autocue live from Flemmington last night. She wore this and subsequently boosted Today Tonight’s credibility to new heights.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Australia, CBS News, Dan Rather, Election, Mary Kostakidis, Media, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
One of my favourite television journalists is former CBS Evening News anchor Dan Rather. Mr Rather, you may remember, was forced to resign two years ago by network chiefs after 60 Minutes broadcast a story about George Bush Jr., that was later found to have use falsified documents.
Mr Rather is now suing his former employer for $USD 70 million, citing breach of contract. There must be quite a bit of that going on as here in Australia the sublime Mary Kostakidis is suing SBS for breach of contract as well.
In his filed claim, Rather states that CBS attempted to tarnish his reputation to pacify an aggrieved White House.
All in all, it was an inglorious exit for one of America’s best, and most hated journalists. Hated, because Dan Rather appears to be a card carrying liberal, and the Christian right in the US has problems with ‘difference’. There are even websites exposing his liberal bias.
But I like Dan. I like him because he is on the left, and has a deft turn of phrase, such as these examples from election nights gone by;
“The election is closer than Lassie and Timmy,”
“Keep in mind they are teetotally meetmortally convinced they have Ohio won.”
But who here in Australia is worth liking on commercial televison? Nobody.
It is worth noting that here in Australia on election night, we will have Mel and Kochie presenting Seven’s converage. It is also worth nothing that 6.30 is when the US network news bulletins are screened, while here in Australia we have Tracey Grimashaw and Anna Cretin presenting their nightly bucket of shit.
Australian journalists have let themselves down. Australian journalists have let the country down. Australian journalists are, mostly, used-car salesman selling us lemons. Thank God for The 7.30 Report and Lateline.
You know what? I am as mad as hell, and I am glad I don’t wantch anymore.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Australia, Media, Naomi Robson, Politics, Television, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
I have decided that if you can’t beat the cretins, you may as well join the cretins, which is why I am in the process of developing my own tabloid television current affairs programme. It will be broadcast nightly from my couch, or the Bender Bar in Thornbnury if I stop and have a drink on my way home from work.
I have decided to do this because I am sick of being powerless and underpaid, and if Tracey Grimshaw and Anna Cretin, err Coren can sell their soul to the devil and present the utter fucking shit they do night after night, and without even the slightest hint of embarrasment or decency, well then, so can I.
I am going to call the programme A Cretin Affair. It will feature me introducing stories and looking concerned as I make pithy and intereseting segueways between stories. Sometimes I will look like I am about to tear-up, but being a trained prostitute, er I mean performance artist, I can safely assure readers it will be an act as I shall just be stabbing myself in the leg with something sharp.
I pledge my programme will stand up for the little Aussie battler and the the opressed as I campaign against migrants, dole bludgers and fat kids. I will chase after shonky tradies, love rats and use a lie detector on all federal and state politicains who apprear on A Cretin Affair. I will be the friend of the friendless, and make the world a safer place by exposing how evil and mean it is.
So if you are reading this and think that you have the journalistic chops to report on this programme, drop me a line via the comments box. I’ll be in touch.
From all of us here at oneplanetmikey, thanks for watching. Goodnight.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Alan Jones, Anna Coren, Australia, Big Brother, Britney Spears, John Howard, Lindsay Lohan, Media, Metlink, Naomi Robson, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, Pole Huggers, Politics, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
I am over celebrity criminals, in the same way I am over celebrity chefs and Big Brother bogans polluting the airwaves with their inane drivel. The following is a list of people who should be imprisoned for the term of their natural life.
John Howard – for crimes against humanity
Paris Hilton – for being a brain dead trashbag
Lindsay Lohan – ditto
Nicole Ritchie – for being an upchucking trashbag
Britney Spears – psychobitch trashbag
Pole Huggers – the cretins on the train who take up all the available space.
Alan Jones – rancid, toilet trading rightwing polluter of the airwaves
Gossip columnists – the vile molls who write Sydney Confidential
Naomi Robson – tabloid cretin
Anna Coren – as one tabloid cretin dies, another pops up
Tracey Grimshaw – she should know better
By removing these people from society we will live in a better world. It is time all good people rose up and launched a law and order kick, If you see any of these people out and about on the street, please for the sake of your fellow citizen, take them directly to jail.
Filed under: David Oldfield, One Nation Party, Pauline Hanson, Politics, Today Tonight
Racist former politician and intellectually disabled media tart, Pauline Hanson has written a hagiography in which she claims to have had intimate relations with her former advisor, and onetime, one term MLC, David Oldfield.
Oldfield has refuted these claims using the Clinton defence; “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” He has appeared on the tele, spoken on radio and been quoted as saying he didn’t fuck the red-haired fuckstick. So desperate to appear as a man in control of his organ, he supped with the devil and volunteered to undertake a lie detector test on Australia’s top rating cretin affairs programme, Today Tonight.
Now, as regular readers of oneplanetmikey will know, I detest both Toady Tonight and its regular lie detector tests as the former is a sorry and lame excuse for a television programme, and the latter are as unreliable as David Hicks’ confessing to having aided and abetted terrorism. It is therefore with reluctance and a heavy heart that I accept the claims of Hanson in that she did have sex with that man, because that man failed the Today Tonight lie detector test. When Oldfield was asked if he had sex with Pauline Hanson the examiner found his negative response “showed definite indication of being deceptive on that particular question.” So there. Two fuckwits fucked. But what does it mean?
In the scheme of things, absolutely nothing. Hanson is a failed Dancing with the Stars contestant running for the Senate in Queensland, Oldfield is jobless and supported by his wife who hosts a daytime chat show, and the One Nation Party agenda has been fully adopted by the Prime Manure, John Howard. Who had sex with who is not news, nor should it be. The real news is story the tabloids tell as they crawl further into the gutter and report on penis size and quick fucks in seedy Canberra Motels. That’s news and that should be reported.
Filed under: A Current Affair, Anna Coren, Media, Today Tonight, Tracey Grimshaw
This is Tracey Grimshaw. She is a tabloid hack. She is the presenter of A Current Affair. I loathe
her for it. I also equally despise Anna Corren, the presenter of the rival tabloid trash programme, Today Tonight. I have a recurring nightmare the cretins from both Today Tonight and A Current Affair are after me. In some ways I wish they were, as I have developed a strategy for when the vile hacks come knocking and I would like to see how well it works. The strategy is quite simple. Swear. Nothing else. Stand there swearing like a sweet motherfucker with big bad swearwords. Keep swearing, don’t stop, and don’t even add a conjunction. Look at the camera and yell sweetmotherfucker. The more you swear, and the faster and louder you do it, the fewer chances the attack Muppets have of asking you a question. Don’t run either. Just stand there swearing like a sweet mothefucker.
How this all works is quite simple, and while it may make you look like a complete and utter nutter, you will not get your face on the tele. Guaranteed! In tabloid current affairs the story is not the subject, but rather the reporter chasing the talent down the street – be they; love rats, fat kids (who don’t run fast), dodgy tradesmen, shonky salespersons and/or illegal immigrants. So if you are a love rat, fat kid, dodgy tradesman, shonky salesperson and/or illegal immigrant and they vile bastards from the 6.30 shows come knocking; don’t run, just stand there swearing like a motherfucker cunt, screaming sweet motherfucker cunt. The tabloid cretins wont be able to edit their reporter into the story, and so there is no story.If that doesn’t work, you could always kill them.Which reminds me of the joke. Who wins when two journalists jump off a cliff simultaneously?
Answer: Society.
Today Tonight and its equally moronic cousin A Current Affair are television programmes made by cretins for cretins. Quite simply, both programmes are disgraceful and should be yanked from the air.This latest flurry of fulmination from both camps over the means used to gather a story, ignore the fact that both programmes have a history of using deceit and omission to present whatever contrived outrage they desire. This week it is the Corby family; next week it will be crack-whores and the single mother with two babies to twelve different fathers.
Ms Meade and Mr Day write that Ms Coren said she had no qualms using Colin Chapman’s evidence as he was a private detective and had no obligation to be ethical.
Well Ms Coren, that it the biggest load of bollocks I have read in ages. You as a current affairs presenter have an obligation to be ethical, and to say that you don’t because the person who did the dirty work was a private dick and not a journalist is not only laughable but also contemptible. The simple fact is Colin Chapman was paid by Seven to dig dirt. And when he did, to put the lame and tawdry report to air and then say it wasn’t us it was someone else, is just simply appalling.
In the US, the 6.30 programmes are the network news bulletins. They aspire to serious journalism and are well resourced and bring in significant advertising dollars. It is about time that at 6.30 we aspired to something more lofty than the crud that is presented and which sees me reaching for the remote control to switch to the SBS World News.
The best way forward is for the Australian Communications Authority to require one hour of quality news and current affairs programming between 6 and 8pm nightly. I would also suggest that as an immediate fix, instead of Media Watch giving the right of reply to those who already tub-thump and moan on the airwaves, that they give the victims of the 6.30 monstrosities a right of reply.
Remember these shows kill people. Many people will remember the tradesman who hanged himself after A Current Affair exposed him as a shonk. It is about time they became accountable for their actions and reports.
Anna Coren and the vile bastards at Today Tonight are cretins who once again have been up to their old tricks. This week has seen them report on an 84 year-old granny who was allegedly chained to her bed in the nursing home she resided in. Fortunately for the chained-up granny, it wasn’t the staff of the nursing home that chained her to the bed, it was the Today Tonight reporter, a pigs abortion named Nicholas Boot.
Alarmed at seeing an 84 year-old chained like a dog, the Commonwealth Minister for Aging, Santo Santoro sent departmental staffers to the home to investigate whereupon they found Shirley Frey free to roam the corridors of her confinement. When asked, Mrs Frey told departmental officers that Mr Boot had brought the chains to illustrate the point that she felt like a prisoner in the nursing home.
Coren apologises, but it is too little too late.
The following night Coren was forced to eat mea culpa cake. The Sydney Morning Herald Online reports the following statement was made.
“Now we need to set the record straight, last night we featured a report on 84-year-old Shirley Frey, a nursing home resident locked in a battle with the operators of the home. That battle continues. We reported that Shirley was living chained to her room. In fact, this is not the case. Today Tonight reporter Nicolas Boot took the chain with him to illustrate the fact Shirley felt like a prisoner in her room. We regret the actions of this journalist and are investigating the matter internally. We apologise to our viewers if you felt misled.”
Well Anna, viewers felt misled because they were misled. You and your programme manufactured and distorted a series of events to score an additional ratings point or two.
You lied. Simple.
This makes the people who make Today Tonight liars and not fit to report the news.
I Hate Naomi Robson.
Naomi Robson is the most evil woman on earth. My mission is to stop her. I hate her.
Recently Naomi went to west Papua to save a six year old boy from being eaten alive. She believed that there were cannibals and that they had already sharpened their knives for poor little Wa Wa.
She was duped.
There are no cannibals.
Robson accused a rival consumer affairs show of dobbing her in as she was was detained by Indonesian authorities on suspicion of being a journalist.
Naomi Robson is not a journalist. She is a highly paid television presenter. Naomi Robson will never be a journalist as she does not have the character to be a good journalist.
Naomi Robson is evil and must be stopped.
