The number of my embarrassing celebrity crushes continues to rise. But this time it is real.
OK. Maybe I am deluded. Or, turning at an old age. But I seriously LOVE SARAH PALIN.
Is it the glasses? Is it her folksy charm? Is it my desire to eat moose burgers for breakfast? Or is it her ability to look into a camera and speak to me, oneplanetmikey, right here in Melbourne.
I don’t understand. But I am touched in a way that I haven’t been touched since I touched myself when I had my crush on Tony Abbott.
Say it ain’t so.
Filed under: Election, Politics, USA | Tags: Brandine Spuckler, John McCain, Sarah Palin
The first image is that of Brandine Spuckler, one of the hillbilly characters on The Simpsons. The secod image is that of Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and now US Vice Presidential cadidate. Oh shit, hang on!
Please forgive my confusion because the similarities are overwhelming. After all, Brandine Spuckler is mother to; Brandine, Gummy Sue, Tiffany, Andie, Gordon, Lizzie, Jackson, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermot, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumer, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Rubella Scabies, Kendall, Caitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kyra, Ian, Lauren, Q-bert, Condoleezza Marie, Phil, Birthday, Crystal Meth, Dubya, Incest, International Harvester, Jitney, Witney, Mary and Stabbed in Jail.
While Governor Palin is mother to; Piper, Willow, Bristol, Track and Trig.
Palin’s husband Todd has twice been a member of an Alaskan sessionist party. While Cletus Spuckler, a good family man if ever there was one, lists his hobbies as; ‘whittling “piney babies” for children, searching for roadkill, digging through garbage, and spending time with everyone in his family.’ Palin’s future son-in-law proudly staes on his myspace page that he is a ‘proud redbneck’. She herself is a member of the NRA.
In all seriousness, what on earth possessed Senator John McCain to choose Governor Palin as his running mate? She appears to be far more conservative than the Republican nominee himself is, and has publicly stated that she disapproves of abortion, supports capital punishment, believes polar bears are not edangered, and that drilling for oil in the Artic should be allowed.
I suspect Senator McCain chose Palin in a cynical effort to woo the 30 per cent of Hillary Clinton voters who do not support Obama. Unfortuntely he chose the wrong woman. Senator Clinton has said that she put 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling. Sarah Palin may just be the sillicon sealant that holds it together for a decade or more.
For really good comment, read the comment from my esteemed friend George. He makes much more sense than I.
Filed under: ALP, Australia, David Hicks, Election, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Liberal, Politics
Twelve months ago I had no hope. John Winston was firmly entrenched on the Prime Ministerial Chesterfield, David Hicks was locked in a cage, and George W. Bush was the president of the USA. OK, I wasn’t wrong on the last part but, in the course of twelve months Australia got a new government, David Hicks was released and I got my grove back.
This is just a quick post, written in an internet Cafe in Brisbane, to wish my readers a Happy New Year and to say never give up hope. The world turns quickly and so can we.
And if you are in Melbourne on NYE, come up and say hello. I’ll be the dude dancin’ like a demon at the Market.
The meanest man in Australian politics is gone! Long live Kevin.
And long may former Prime Minister John Howard continue to suffer the misery of his crushing defeat.
That the rodent has also been booted from Bennelong makes Kevin Rudd’s stunning victory, the sweetest defeat of all.
Howard’s poor showing in the seat that he had claimed for 33 years is vindication for all us proud Howard haters. The fact that the sitting Prime Minister was not returned to parliament is quite remarkable and almost makes me question my long held atheism.
But there are reasons aplenty. Many a member of the commenteriat has blamed Howard’s hubris and the folly of staying on long past the Prime Ministerial use by date. But I would suggest that it was the lies, the children overboard and the embracing of Hansonism but without the mean words, that sealed his fate.
And what a legacy it is. Howard has left a party in tatters, with not even the heir-apparent willing to sift through the ashes and wait for his electoral doom. The former Prime Minister in his concession speech claimed to love the Liberal Party. But today I would suggest many a member would not be feeling so charitable towards him, for he has left them with an ultra-conservative party that will take years to recover.
Look at the Tories in Britain and you will see a future vision of the Australian Liberal Party; disunited and un-electable.
Mr Howard, for what you have done to the conservative side of politics in Australia, you have my admiration. For what you have done while Prime Minister, you have my contempt.
Filed under: ALP, Australia, Election, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Liberal, Politics
I have been dreaming about November 24, 2007 since March 1996.
And now, as the worst government in Australian history draws its final breath, I can happily breathe a sigh of relief. It is over, our nightmare endeth.
Saturday November 24, will be Howard’s end. His legacy; one of shame. Australia’s legacy; one of deep regret.
There are so many reasons to hate Howard. I would nominate his shameful antics and blatant lies of the 2001 election as his bitterest, blackest moment.
The children overboard scandal and the heartlessness Tampa will ensure that Howard is forever remembered as a lying, mean man.
Many of the things that Howard has done cannot be undone. Rudd maybe able to tinker around the edges of many of Howard’s more draconian pieces of legislation, but his attack on Australian culture will take years to repair.
Howard’s culture war will be remembered as one of his most vile acts. This is because he tried to turn Australia into something that it was not and could never be. He tried to make us mean.
And with the election of an ALP government tomorrow, we have the opportunity to remake our country. We have the opportunity to embrace change and be welcoming and open.
We have the opportunity to shine. Don’t fuck it up Australia, don’t fuck it up.
Filed under: Anna Coren, Australia, Election, John Howard, Media, Peter Costello, Politics
The living dead interviewed Australia’s Dead Men Walking last night, when television’s finest autocue reader Anna Coren, sat down and embarrassed herself by speaking to the soon to be former prime minister J-Ho, and his annointed successor, opposition leader designate, Peter Costello.
In what could only be described as an advertorial for the Liberal Party, Coren asked all the hard questions about their political marriage and about their good working relationship. Cretin’s soft questioning about their relationship elicited these responses;
PETER COSTELLO: He has the most amazing work ethic that I’ve ever seen. You know, he can work 16, 17 hours a day and then get up and go walking again at 6am in the morning.
JOHN HOWARD: I like Peter as a bloke. He’s a very bright; I mean he’s a seriously intelligent person. And he’s also very funny. I mean, Peter’s got a natural talent for wit and humour, which is much greater than mine, I’m lousy at telling jokes. You disagree on things and you get cranky about it and say, you know, blah blah blah, but that…
PETER COSTELLO: I like Holdens, he likes Fords.
JOHN HOWARD: Yeah, he barracks for the Essendon Bombers and (inaudible) St George Illawarra Dragons.
So much wanking, so little journalism.
Great work Anna. With incisive questioning like that you’ll be able to get a job doing the advertorials on 9am with David and Kim next year. You are certainly going to need a job because it will be a miracle if your contract on Today Tonight is renewed.
Filed under: ALP, Australia, Election, Family, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Politics
A lot has been said about family values in this election; most of it nauseating. But having listened to both J-Ho and K-Rudd, it is obvious that families are the glue that holds Australia together. So today I write in support of the Australian family. In all its glory.I’d particularly like to say hello and make special mention to all the people living in abusive, violent and, drug and alcohol affected families. They are especially wonderful families and intsill great values in children. To the heads of these households I say ‘Keep up the good work. Your contribution to the social fabric of Australia has not gone un-noticed.’
To any shirtlifting or clit licking families out there, I am sorry you are not a family and I cannot say hello to you. If you didn’t do the things you do when you love the one you do, you’d be a family and be allowed to marry and raise your children in drug and alcohol affected families too.
And to my blood-family who will probably not read this, I say hello. I would like them to know that because we only have drunks and potheads, we are an ideal family and are better than most other families; particularly those families that consist of two people of the same sex.
To my other family, I hate to admit that we are not a traditional family. This is because we do not live together and our family values are different from mainstream family values. We also suck or lick inappropriate bits of people of the same sex.
So hip, hip hooray and hello to the great Australian family.
Please readers, when you and your family go to vote, make sure that you vote for the party that will stand up for your family in Parliament.
I seem to have lost the election jackpot.
I am not an Orangutang.
I am not married and my only dependent is Penfold’s.
I’d like to save the planet now.
I don’t want or need a $20 per week tax cut.
I’d like people on welfare to be better taken care of.
I’d like to see the government put anti-psychotic medication in the water because they refuse to fix the psychiatric hospital system in Australia.
I’d like to see refugees be given the chance to shine and come out from behind the walls of immigration detention.
I’d like to see WorkChoice abolished.
I’d like us to say sorry to the Indigenous people who were stolen.
I’d like the arts to embraced.
I’d like to see the ABC better funded.
I’d like to see a Royal Commission into the Howard Government’s complicity in the invasion of Iraq.
I’d like to see Labor do better.
Filed under: ALP, Australia, Election, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Liberal, Politics
I seem to have developed election Tourette’s because I cannot stop swearing whenever the leaders appear on tele.
