Anna Cretin and the creeps at Toady Tonight were this week found to have defamed Mercedes Corby. After an expensive five-week trial prosecuted by my media hero Stuart Littlemore, it took a jury less than a day to find the nasty folk at TT had made damaging and unsubstantiated allegations against the sister of convicted drug smuggler, Schapelle Corby.
And now they have had to pay! In a confidential out of court settlement, Channel 7 has had to sign what is presumably a big fucking cheque and hand it over to Mercedes Corby.
You would hope that would teach the evil folk at Toady Tonight a lesson, but I suspect their insatiable desire for ratings, means they are rather stupid and slow learners.
All this could have been avoided if when Seven’s head of News and Current Affairs boned Naomi Robson, the convicted serial drink driver Peter Meakin had accepted my suggestion to have her replaced with a garden gnome. The difference would have been minimal and Seven could still have promoted the show as Today Tonight with Gnomie Robson.
Thanks for watching good night.
Ahh, how the mighty have fallen.
Once I was a high flying training administrator looking after a former half-Colonel at a multi-national petrol company. (He recently resigned after he was demoted for idiocy and belligerence).
Now I am a humble temp worker, cataloging books at a second-rate educational institution. And now matter how much fun that may be – my rate of pay, which is slightly better than working for the dole but not quite as lucrative as selling the Big Issue, leaves much to be desired.
So, to get me out of the shit I have decided that I need a sugar daddy and real fast.
So dear reader, this post is a call to arms and I am now considering all applications.
I am not particularly fussy and I can guarantee all applicants for this position, that there will be lots of different positions, and that I will put the fun into funding.
I’m waiting.
This is my dole diary. Some of this may be true.
07:00 Hit snooze
09:00 Berate myself for flushing the alarm clock down the toilet. Fucking thing doesn’t work. Must use neighbours loo.
09:01 Turn on Kath and Kim on Ten. Can’t decide if David Reine is faking stupidity.
09:03 Put kettle on and make a large plunger of strong coffee.
09:05 Regret final drink, which even though I can’t remember drinking, now believe to be completely unnecessary.
09:09 Check out KAK to see if she is still wearing canary yellow. She is. And even though I should be disappointed, decide she is a trooper.
10:00 Breakfast on High Street
10:45 Return home, have shower. Make self look half decent. Thank the powers that be for Clarins Beauty Flash Balm.
11.00 Look for job.
11:11 Speak to recruitment consultant. Visualise recruitment consultant. Wonder how recruitment consultant made career leap from asking customers if they “want fries with that” to big time successful recruitment consulting.
11:30 Submit application.
12:00 Lunch.
12:20 Decide it is time for nana nap.
12:25 Regret flushing alarm down the bog.
12:27 Coma.
13:50 Awake.
13:51 Coffee.
14:05 Check email. Not important, no one writes. Consider spamming myself.
15:00 Supermarket run.
15:20 Look at supermarket from moving tram. Will buy groceries after a quick drink at the Grace Darling Hotel.
18:30 Refused service at Grace Darling Hotel. Make abusive phone call to boyfriend for refusing to meet me for a drink at Grace Darling Hotel.
19:00 Safeway is expensive. Decide budget restraints mean I can no longer afford to eat.
19:05 Catch tram home.
19:20 Tram Inspecttors throw me off tram in front on Bender Bar. Convenient. Good thing boys don’t know Vanessa at the Grace.
19:22 Final drink.
19:39 Final drink.
20:02 Final drink.
21:15 Allegedly visit neighbour.
23:05 Wake up on couch. Head hurts. Wonder why boyfriend is ignoring me.
