ABC Television in Australia is going to replace the venerable Lissajous curve logo, you know the worm-like thing that goes dah, dah, da – with this;
Eeek and egads! That is bloody horrible, and boring.
Now forgive me if I swear, but how fucking plain is that? How dated will that be come December, and how flat will it appear as it burns a hole in your plasma screen?
Somewhere, some talentless design agency has just pocketed the bettter part of a lot of money on something that will bore the living bejesus out of viewers.
But then again, maybe the ABC is introducing a dumbed down logo to go with its increasingly dumb-downed content.
Dah, dah, da!
Despite having entered into a performance management plan to make you more interesting, and despite three written warnings about how you could improve; disappointingly – you have failed to live up to my reasonable expectations.
Namely – you are boring as fuck and you continue to struggle to provide meaningful content for me to do. With this in mind, it is with regret that I have decided to let you go.
I understand that this may be upsetting for you; however you have failed to deliver on your promises of career development, training and a reasonable wage.
You have also failed to provide a reasonable working culture where I can be flexible with my working hours and not have to continually work late to prove that I am keen, committed and enthusiastic.
In addition, your attempts to micromanage professional and competent staff, when all is going well, is starting to get on my tits and is rather disappointing.
As a result, your contract is hereby terminated. You will be paid out your full entitlements at the next pay run.
Kind regards
Mikey.
I work in the learning and development department of a large multi-national petro-chemical company.
It is slightly weird environment for me to work in because I cannot drive. My only experience behind the wheel of a car was last week when I tried to run down an ex-lover who had earlier disobeyed me. I found the whole steering thing to be incredibly traumatic, because I soon discovered that it is nigh on impossible to drive when you cannot drive, particularly when you are using your best swear words whilst simultaneously gesticulating wildly. And tis even harder when you cannot get the fucker out of first gear.
Anyway, the evil overseers at (insert name of petrochemical company here) decided that I was not entirely competent using Excel (also known as Satan’s own spreadsheet) and that for the benefit of quicker global destruction, I should go and spend two days at an intensive Introduction to Excel course.
Fuck me, I cannot begin to tell you how much fun it was, quite simply because it wasn’t fucking fun at all.
Did you know that if you use the control button while you click you can select multiple cells at the same time. Well no, neither did I.
And that dear reader is the result of my learning.
As a self taught idiot savant who can even make pivot tables, I should have probably thought of this earlier. But hey, I know I am worth the $800 which was spent teaching this middle aged dog a new trick.
Why next week I might even have a go at Word.
When I was a little tacker growing up in Brisbane the late 70’s before it became Brisvegas; there were two young women who were dressed as Marilyn Monroe by their crone-like mother. She took them shopping and the girls posed as if waiting for steam from a New York subway vent. It was of course Indooroopilly Shoppingtown and it was rather ludicrous.
M1 and M2 became famous. They appeared on the tele and in the newspaper and then they disappeared. They were famous no more.
Zooming forward several years, the subject of the Marilyns’ was raised at a dinner party that I attended in Brisbane. Said a guest, ‘Nobody knows what happened to one sister, but the other is still doing her Marilyn act and is homeless and sleeps under the Maryvale Street Bridge.’
I was fascinated and have spent the last few visits keeping an eagle-eye out for Marilyn. This time it worked. This time I saw her. And true to the dinner party guests word, Marilyn was still frocked-up. And with a full face and a well-practiced pout.
I wanted to talk to her and ask her……..but I couldn’t. I’d just be gawking.
To be homeless and still have your face on is an amazing achievement.
God Bless.
